As per Vedanta, all is one.
However, the journey to realize that, not only theoretically but also truly in
the practical sense can take a lifetime to several lifetimes. In the loka
created by ignorance, most of us have to live in multiplicity, experience
agenthood, personhood, the karmic cycle and several other components. However,
even here, if one were to feel oneness or be devoid of subject object
distinctions occasionally, it becomes easier to tackle some existential issues
which require exercise of complete good virtues, if I may say so, like loyalty,
faithfulness, etc. I gradually may lose my subject object distinction with the
pen I pick up to 'pen down my thoughts' on a piece of paper. The pen, which I
may have bought for INR5 or INR500 then becomes an integral part of my being.
It helps me to communicate my thoughts on paper, is instrumental for there to
be a piece of evidence of my thought process, can be used to view and analyse
my writing, which may subsequently have cues about the manner in which my brain
functions, given hand writing analysis etc.
It becomes so much more than an
inanimate object that many times a writer may think that 'I have lost the pen',
while it is still in his/her hand. I can say the same thing about my spectacles.
They are the eyes which allows me to actually view the world in its perfection
as opposed to the blur reality my actual eyes allow me to see.
I like to sum most of a person's
life's en-devours to attain oneness with different 'things' be it animate or
inanimate objects like people or animals. When I eat a loaf of bread, it gets
consumed in my body. My education from a particular institute defines my
attitude and perhaps behavior towards other people. My job and subsequently
income I make, defines my status in society and also allows me to
constructively make use of the time I have, and gives me a space to perform
activity, which again requires energy from my body. However, what I fail to
understand. Correction. What I fail to attain is, oneness in relationships.
By the very definition of each
relationship a person has, there are boundaries and protocols to be followed
because of duality of 'relation'. And these seem to be completely justified.
For instance, you must not speak to your parents in a disrespectful manner.
Even though you give birth to your children, the protocol of civilized society
is not to treat them as possession but allow them to develop or rather help
them develop skills to be able to live life independently. There are very few
people, or rather there are times in every relationship, where a person may
reveal his or her entirety without inhibitions. For instance, a toddler is
transparent and totally dependent on his or her parents. However, when the same
toddler grows up, eventually, as dependency decreases and an individuality
develops, he starts sharing little aspects of his or her life with his parents.
To the effect that shame takes over which for instance prevented Dhuryodhan as per a mythical story to be
completely naked before his mother. However, it would be a different story if
it were his wife.
Similarly, there is always a
friend, everyone may have, or some may be lucky to have, with whom you may be
comfortable to share your deepest darkest secrets. Initially, those friends
were your siblings but as life takes a toll, those equations change too.
Usually because eventually there will be more individual in each sibling's life
like a wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/children etc besides parents, who
share them and take their time and perhaps even resources and space. For those
who think, friendships are it. You have found your person. A few more years
into maturity and you realize that your friend's life has other priorities or
other people who eventually take priority and it is the social protocol to
allow that to happen and be okay with it. And then, perhaps for some souls
comes a search of a companion in the form of a life partner because barriers
develop to not allow monism with those with whom you may have shared such an
equation. In some cases, the barriers can be circumstantial too, even if they
do not involve people. They may be barriers created by contingencies of
distances or economics. For instance, there is a time, you would tell your
parents immediately that you are in debt and it would be okay for your parents
to support you financially. However, as you gain financial independence and
your parents begin losing their resources or the ability to earn as
efficiently, you spare them the pain of your financial woes should your budget
go haywire. There may be so many people who live at actual physical distances
away with their person they generally lose their subject object distinction
with.
In my life for instance, several
relationships took turns to establish oneness from parents to sibling to
friends. The search however with respect to a life companion for me ends
abruptly each time when I begin the search. Still because of social protocol,
human tendency, the need for being devoid of that subject object distinction in
the most beautiful philosophical and to some degree, romantic manner, it begins
again. colloquially, the search for 'the one' ends once a marriage takes place
and the couple lives happily ever after. In the happily ever after stage, comes
the next step in the Vedantic training - of giving birth to a child, a part of
a person's being initially who will be dependent on the being for a very long
time before one can eventually detach oneself from it - him or her or in some
cases both. The logical equation of life in such a manner is so poetic it seems
akin to the biological development of life - from generation of cells to
multiple cells and then eventual degeneration before death or nihilism of the
body, if not the soul. I seem to be stuck in a no-man's land.
There is a need for being devoid
of a subject object distinction with someone, who will allow it to its entirety
for a long duration in a healthy and positive manner. At the same time, there is no one. Most people I come across are not
worth spending the same space, let alone time. With some others, it seems okay
to spend the time, but not space. For instance, today I spent three
hours, unfortunately, on a meeting, where after 5 minutes in that social
engagement I was thinking that this
person is not worth my time or space. However,
social protocol forced me to spend three hours of my life I will always regret
and these were three hours I
will never get back again. There are very few people who
would understand me and even fewer who would want to accept me with all my
flaws and protect me whenever required and help me improve as a human being.
And these are qualities, a person looks for in a companion with whom a step
towards monism is initiated. Protection need not be against enemies or evil but
might just suggest an ability to protect by driving in a safe manner, for
instance. As a person who has been driving for many years now, I feel extremely
uncomfortable to sit in the navigator's seat. If I trust someone enough to relax while not being behind the stick,
that would mark a tick in my checklist for protection.
A person chooses or wishes to be
with a person they would like to hang out (in both time and space), someone who
understands, someone who protects and nurtures the soul. And luckily most
people, around 90% of people find that companionship. One doesn't necessarily
have to be the richest, the most educated, the most cultured, the most well
spoken, the most graceful or elegant or beautiful to find companionship which
is taken a step towards understanding monism and eventual detachment that two
person person needs to experience eventually long after child birth. I am sure
because I have seen poor, uneducated or less educated, uncivilized, obnoxious,
rude, ugly person with 'a better half.' Why is it that my individual being,
besides being ethical and having some friendships and relationships more
precious than life itself, have failed to find 'the one'? I am waiting to be
whole before I can split into two. I wonder whether I will experience that kind
of companionship almost 90% of people experience. I am 90% sure I will fail and
end this search as abruptly as I begin it each time. I am much like the absurd
man in the Myth of Sisyphus,
who was cursed for a lifetime to roll a stone up the mountain only to see it
roll down over and over again....yes this is my philosophical way of existential
lamenting!!
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